Encounters with Religious Figures
	My Angel Razakiel, The Holy Quran, Allah, and Satan February 6, 2014 ~ I usually wake up feeling uncomfortable and darkened in the mornings because it seems I have some Djinn hovering over me some nights. But last night I dreamt that I was playing a lyre harp in a church for a funeral service. I couldn't play particularly well, but nobody seemed to mind me trying and people were politely listening. I then noticed it was an Islamic funeral service, the guests were Arabic and Muslim, but there was a coffin and a service. When I woke up, a tall white Angel was standing by my bed and leaning over me, with its hands against me. The eyes were large and wide, as if made out of metallic paper in many colors, or as if pools of liquid metal since they looked as if one could dive into them. The eyes had no whites or pupils, it was all a swirling vibrant color of dark greens and other colors I can't describe. The Angel showed me its wings. They had several overlapping layers of feathers in golden. I was shown how the feathers will grow at times to become longer. The brightness of the gold in its feathers was otherwordly, there is nothing anyone can see here on Earth that could recreate the way it looked. It was my guardian Angel Razakiel, it told me its name. And for the first time in ages, I woke up feeling like a newborn baby. I had had the best sleep of my life. I felt such peace. The Angel told me not to eat pears. At first I thought it was a strange thing to say, and so specific, but then I remembered that as a child I had been allergic to pears. Pears would give me large rashes. I had thought I had grown out of the allergy. I love to eat pears and they give me no visible signs of any allergies today. I asked the Angel why I could not eat pears. The Angel, who probably knows I have studied science, told me that pears have an enzyme that my body cannot handle. So turns out eating pears is still causing me trouble, and I will certainly remember not to eat those delicious sweet succulent fruits anymore. The Angel told me other things too but I forgot what they were. Around noontime I was browsing in my mother's bookshelf to see if I could find any inspirational Christian books. It is only recently that I have embraced Christianity, in a country such as Sweden where most people just are not religious at all. I think I was hoping to find a book with stories about Christian conversions, or stories about encounters with Jesus. I happened to notice the Holy Quran, the religious book of Islam, and I picked it up and skimmed through some pages randomly in the book. The first phrase I found talked about God and Angels, and about Djinn. I was overcome with excitement and joy to discover such a book. The Quran must be what the Bible is, a whole other lost book as precious as the Bible is. What a discovery! If the only difference is that one contains stories of Jesus, and the other one does not, they are still both books from God? I just held the Quran in my hands and found it impossible to put it back into the bookshelf and I was struggling not to cry. Even after I managed to put it back I found my fingers were glued stuck to the book and I just couldn't leave it. But I left the Quran and carried on with my day. A minute later I was putting on my makeup in the bathroom when a voice scolded me, gently but like a parent, that I had made a serious mistake by touching and handling the Quran without having cleaned myself first. I was not to touch the Quran without having washed myself. Astounding. Is this why the Muslims wash themselves before they pray? Do they also wash themselves before they read the Quran? Now I must say I have handled the Christian Bible many times with my hands, and never have I been told to wash myself first. Later in the day, Jesus would tell me that he would never ask anyone to wash themselves before reading the book, and he said that the Bible had already been purified through his blood. I always find references to Jesus' blood as horrifying and gorey, and I cannot reconcile the thought of messy red blood together with the thought of a book, but that's just me, coming from an entirely unreligious background. I for one cannot understand how blood could be anything pure or cleansing. I felt embarrassed and ashamed before the God of Islam that I had handled his book without washing myself first. I apologised to him and I told him that I was born just a pig living in dirt, that I could not know what I had not been taught or given. I use the pig reference because Allah has taught me not to eat pig. When I asked him why I should not eat pigs, he tells me they are impure, and when I asked him why are pigs impure, he told me it is because pigs eat their own feces. And he told me that what a creature, human or animal, eats, is stored in the cells and it changes the cells. That is why what we eat is so important. I know that Muslims don't eat pig. And I know that Christians in many parts of the world celebrate Christmas by having a big ham. How ungodly and unholy to eat pig, if it is an impure food? Why do not Christians listen to their Muslim brothers and learn from what God has told the Muslims? What makes Christians so closed off that they will not listen to God anymore when God has spoken to other people? I apologised to Allah for having touched the book with his words when I had not washed himself. He was angry and he let me know that humans have been beaten to death for defiling his book. I don't know if he will forgive me. I tried by telling him that "at least I am reading your book, other people in this country (Sweden) are not even reading it". I think about the importance of Islam and Allah in human lives and I wondered to myself if I should travel to a Muslim country, buy new clean Islamic clothes (with veil!) and find a clean building where I could - after washing myself - read the Holy Quran and study the Islamic scripture in the proper environment, in the proper way. I will read the Quran, and I am tingling to read those pages that speak about God and the Angels, but I wonder if Sweden as a country is pure enough? Perhaps I could read the Quran in a Christian church? It is the closest we have got! I might ask the Swedish Mosque what they think. But not long after, guess who paid a visit? Satan himself or herself! I noticed a something trying to talk to me as if he were God himself, but there was an offensive undertone in the words and manners, which seemed to have been masqued a bit but nonetheless they were there. It just struck in me that God, neither Allah or any other form of God, would carry an undertone of destruction or violence. I told the speaker that it cannot be God. That is when it revealed itself to me in a mental image into my mind of itself sitting very casually over a throne in a throne room, with one leg slung over an armrest and lying on the throne like a teenager in a boring classroom. It was a naked short creature, black all across but with white eyes. Its limbs and tail and body were plump like on a baby, rather than thin or meager. The tail was very handsome, somewhat short and with a very thick base at the root of the tail. Hands and feet were thick paws with fingers that had black claws. The eyes were white all across. I was surprised at my reaction to seeing him. It was like seeing a puppy, that creature looked so adorably cute. I just wanted to say aww and cuddle it and hold it in my arms. It was like a pitbull dog puppy and a lizard combined. I told him he was very cute and adorable. But I sense that there is something sensual about him, as if he wants to be cuddled and caressed and taken into arms. That is probably why I reacted that way. The black creature told me something to the effect of, "Please don't read any more proverbs from that book". He did say proverbs, and what he meant was the Quran. He seemed fearful of the Quran. Angels whispered to me that I should not talk to this creature. The Angels told me that this creature was, and I quote, "the devil". I was intrigued. I had just seen the devil and he did not look scary at all. Rather he looked adorable and I had just wanted to take that plump black puppy lizard into my arms, if I could. I had not struck dead at first sight of him. Nor had he unleashed disease or death to me. It was just an adorable black puppy lizard sitting on a throne room and afraid of the texts in the Quran. It talked like a person, it seemed hoppety and lively, personable and interesting. Then I noticed that the creature feels distinctly ill. It felt as if he had the plague and all horrible diseases. I told him that he is sick. I don't know why but plague comes to mind, not that I would know what plague feels like. This creature is very sick. Then I noticed that he has a very foul odor from his mouth, as if he had a bowel disease and plague in his gut. The black creature whom the Angels had said is the devil, said to me that he hates humans. I spoke with him a while, then he said that he did not hate me. I told him not to hurt me, and I told him that I would not be joining him nor giving him anything, but that I was curious to talk with him a little bit. I reminded him that there are Satanists who would love to be with him if he needs company. Jesus whispered to me that this creature is "Satan". It was interesting that both Angels and Jesus would whisper to me about this creature. I had the impression that maybe by opposing him, this creature might jump into rage and attack. I had the impression that this creature might become hostile on a whim, at the drop of a hat, such as if his name is mentioned as a warning for someone to stay away I wasn't told to leave, was I? - the black devil says to me right now You were told not to hurt me, and that I would not be joining your league. - I say to it I wasn't going to leave you for awhile. - he says I am going to read the Quran. I know you didn't want me to. Why don't you want me to read it? - I say It says bad things about me. So I wanted to, hop over it. - he says and shows me a mental image in which the Quran would be on the floor and his black chubby leg would take one step to walk over it, as if to say that we should skip reading it What does it say about you? - me The black plague!!! - the monster opens his mouth and yells at me and seems to have lost all things civil about himself, as I don't even think this answered the question. He just went berserk for a while. The black monster had earlier said that he wanted to "claw his way into me". I replied by telling him that I would let Angels, Jesus, Santinians, and Allah, into me, but not him. And I reminded him that there are Satanists who adore and worship him like a king and a god, that he could go to them. But then I wondered whether humans who are Satanists have made their own choice, or are they just victims under this beast? I have to question whether any human being could make the rational choice to join this creature. Perhaps if they think that it is "cool", and they do not understand what the costs are. Jesus had whispered to me, that this creature whose name he had said, could kill me in an instant if it wanted to. I wondered if Jesus and the Angels could protect me from that. Or was there a real danger? Is this creature unstoppable? The devil then said a while later, that he would like to be, and I quote, "the king of Arabs". He must be jealous of God Allah. So today within just a few hours I met my guardian Angel Razakiel. I was spoken to by Allah or other religious entity connected to Islam. Jesus. And Satan. Not long ago I was a nonreligious person. I had no reason to think that Jesus or Allah, or the devil, were real. Thoughts on religion ~ Today I know I cannot live without religion. I do not want to live without the presence of Jesus and Allah. I could choose a life without religion, like many people choose to live their lives today, but then what? Modern humans are choosing materialism and money as their religion and purpose. There is nothing material on Earth to replace the life living in closeness to God. There is nothing we can buy, say, or do, or achieve from the companions with other humans. I have to be honest, I have never had the experience to tell me that the God of Christianity would exist. He has never come to me, and he remains just a mythical question, vast and empty like the black outer space. I don't know if he is there. I have never felt him or heard him. Jesus is real, and so is the Holy Ghost of Christianity. Jesus has come to me many times (right now Jesus lets me know that he is laughing and smiling, and he lets me know that this is because he has not just "come to me many times". He is always here with me.). But Allah has come to me many times. Allah is much greater and much more loving even than Jesus. Allah found me when I was just a worn out useless and forgotten about rag when I was about to give up on life and when misery and worthlessness and suffering was all I knew and would be. Like all Westerners I had been taught to believe that Islam is just hostile fanaticism. Television teaches us that Islam is just terrorists and wars. Science teaches us that anything that cannot be put into a test tube in the science laboratory, or measured with an instrument that goes bleep and prints out a piece of paper isn't real, and anyone who chooses to believe in anything beyond science is primitive and backwards and foolish and a whole host of other unflattering personality characteristics, not to mention deluded and missing out on the wonders of commercialism, money, and of buying things. All of a sudden Allah was with me. My entire room was filled with a presence, and more love than my words could ever describe. And in that instant my depression was gone, my sadness was gone, and I knew that I was his daughter and that he cared about me. I would never have allowed myself to believe that Allah or Islam is real. We Western scientists think that Islam is a wave of primitive unscientific thinking, an invasion of foolishness that will threaten scientific truth and reality and commercial inventions such as television and cars and computers. Westerners don't know. How can you live not knowing the love that a true God has for us? It is like growing up without parents. He loves us so much, and it changes everything. I am sorry, I don't have the words for how great Allah is. I wish I could explain it, but I don't have the words. I just cry when I think about it. Allah wants me to become a Muslim. Some time before he first came to rescue me, in my depression I suddenly felt like I wanted to learn the Arabic language, so I started studying it, not knowing why, but I enjoyed it very much. It felt warm and familiar. When Allah came to me he was able to explain without using words, what humans are and how we are his and how he wants us to live. Allah wants humans to have many children. He wants there to be many of us, because through us he can be on Earth and live through us. The Western thoughts of overpopulation or that a woman should only have two children, do not exist with Allah. He thinks there is plenty of space and resources for humanity expand, because when humanity expands then he expands here on Earth. Allah wants me to have children, and for the first time in my life I felt as if it was alright to want to have children. I was brought up to be a feminist who believes that women are insulted or that they are weak if they have children. Or that children are nothing but a financial strain that ruin a woman's life because now she can't fulfill her dreams with life. I never understood until Allah told me, that children are given to us from him, and that they are God's, and life's expansion here on Earth. What's most surprising, is Allah's views on gender. I grew up in Sweden, the world's most gender equal country. In Sweden we want men and women to be equal, so much and to the point where we've almost driven this even further, and our women are often insisted to be stronger than the men. We Swedish are very upset if anything suggests that a woman should be "womanly", such as thought of as a mother or a wife. We make our men do domestic chores and raise children, and women are encouraged to have their careers, even to join as fire fighters or other physically masculine jobs and we enforce quotas to ensure that all jobs have men and women both, or we get upset over the gender inequality. Allah was able to explain to me that men and women are different, and you couldn't put this into words and expect a Swedish woman not to get upset, but I didn't get upset. I understood, and it rang true in me. What we in the West have thought is gender inequality in a negative sense in Islam, is just how God made us. Allah wants men to devote their lives to serving him and to praying him. Woman's job is to support her husband in his job at serving Allah. If you said that to any Swedish woman, especially a career woman, she would go berserk. But I understood what Allah meant. You see, in the modern world, women are supposed to feel insulted if they are asked to have babies or to support their husbands. As if it is insulting and degrading for a woman to do those things. What Allah was able to explain to me, without words, and with so much love, is that women can love their children and love their husbands. And of course men are deserving of a woman's love. Men were created by God! Men were made in God's image! Allah was able to explain to me that if I marry a Muslim man, Allah is living in and through that man, and I love Allah if I love my husband. Allah wants me to marry a Muslim man and to have many children. And for the first time in my life, I finally felt peace and calm as if I belonged. As if I had the right to be a human being and the right to be a woman and a mother and a wife. Modern Western life has taken away so much from women, but don't tell them that they won't believe you if you say it. We are meant to find happiness in buying new shoes, watching television, earning our own money, making a career, and the fewer children we have the stronger and more independent and thus happier we are supposedly. I have to be honest that Western media teaches us to be racist. Somehow from the news and from everything, it is easy to start to think that people are different. Europeans are different from Americans, Africans are different and Arabs are different. For the first time in my life I was able to feel perfect equality among all humans, when Allah showed me. I was able to feel that an Arab or an African man or woman is perfectly my brother and sister, even though their skin is a different color! And imagine the sense of love I had from that! How much I love my own biological siblings who look like me, suddenly I had millions of brothers and sisters in my family. Imagine the feeling of having so many siblings. And from that feeling alone, I have never felt so fulfilled and happy in my life. It beats having lots of money in my bank account, or any food that I want to eat, or new clothes or shopping. The feeling of having millions of brothers and sisters and in places such as Africa or all over the world, people I didn't know I had, it beats anything else that our godless materialistic world can offer us. There is nothing on sale in a store that can offer the feeling of having millions of brothers and sisters. The Western world teaches women that we have to stay tough in a relationship with a man. Don't give him too much love, or he will cheat on you and leave you broken. We are told to expect him to cheat and leave. The Western world is so broken, and I mean Europe and the United States. So broken. Women aren't even allowed to love and honor and adore their men anymore! Allah taught me that woman's job is to honor her husband, because God lives in men. And you have no idea how precious that is, until you feel it from God directly. The spirit in a man is the spirit of God. How can women be taught not to worship their men? Men go to the Mosque to worship God, and woman can worship Allah in their husbands and in Allah directly. And there is nothing wrong in that. It was not sexist or violating against women at all. I am starting to wonder if a Satanic force hasn't sweapt over Europe and the United States to turn people away from God? Allah loves us so much. It is like coming home. Science had lied to me. It wasn't delusional or foolish to find religion after all. To deny Allah is to miss out on life. It is like choosing to give away your parents and to not have known them at all. It is like choosing to live in dirt instead of choosing to live in a palace. And Allah inspires us to live civilized lives. He inspires us to live not like animals. Allah inspires how to build homes, how to clean our homes, what foods to eat that are clean, how to be pure in our thoughts. I had suffered from partial paralysis of my right eye for years. I had a constant uncomfortable feeling. One night Allah came to me and he didn't say anything, and I felt a sharp pain and strain at my right eye. I knew what he was up to, and after the pain subsided my eye was fixed. One of the things I love about Allah is that he likes to show himself to me in the form of a human Arabic man. Sometimes he does that. We people in the West think of the spreading of Islam as some kind of invasion. We think it takes away free will, science, women's rights, and everything else we have built up on the backs of industrial and scientific inventions. I will try to describe what Allah is, even though I do not have the words. A human being is aware and alive because, and only because, the spirit of God lives inside that body. When we see, we hear, we taste and we touch, and we are aware and alive in this world, it is Allah in us. The life in us, is Allah. It is not neurobiology or Darwinian evolution or chemistry or cells that creates the living soul. There is a great soul, God, an incredibly loving living being, and we would not understand ourselves or be alive without him in us. I didn't learn that by reading some book or by being told to believe in that, I learned it because I felt it from God himself. There are no words to describe what being with Allah means. It feels like being loved, it feels like being newborn, it feels like having everything. It is like having been locked up in a small dark dungeon and finally getting out into a world that has light and sunshine and freedom. It feels like having been all alone and abandoned and forgotten about, not just forgotten by others but also forgotten by yourself, and then being found by millions of people, in Allah. It's like having a father. It's like having a family. It's like being allowed to love everybody else, and your own children and your spouse, and yourself, when such love did not exist before Allah. Why does love matter, when you cannot weigh it on a scale in the science lab or buy it in the store with money or watch it explained on television? It matters because it is anything we can ever have. Nobody teaches about Allah or about Love in today's Western world. In the Western world we are taught to work hard and study and get a job and earn money and buy things and to always live with feeling unsafe and not good enough and to believe that humans are overpopulating the earth and that there isn't enough for everyone and to fear invasions of opposing ideas that would tell us otherwise. Allah teaches us that in him we have everything. And Allah makes it possible to live together on Earth. Allah knows that there is enough food for everyone, when we stop taking it away from others and once we know that we are all humans brothers and sisters, then it becomes a simple task. For as long as you think that other people such as hungry people in Africa are "different" or "other people" then there seems to be a problem. But once you realize that he is your brother, then it is not a big problem to give him food. And Western women think that they are free and cherished in today's Western world. They think that as long as they buy the right jeans and put on their makeup and do their hair and act the way that they see women act on tv then they will be cherished and loved and approved of. But there is nothing as disrespectful as thinking of a woman as a sexualized piece of meat. Western women think that women in Islam are disrespected because they wear a veil or don't show off their cleavage. I used to think so too, because I too was brainwashed by television. But Allah taught me something about women. First of all, Allah loves me so much more than any man ever could. I am Allah's daughter, whether I officially converted to Islam yet or not. So there we have it. Acceptance. Love. Approval. From the one who can give most of it than anybody else. From the one who knows me and finds me in my loneliness and takes me home. Women in the West are not loved if they look pretty. No one in the West cares about a woman's soul, their value, or who they are. And they think they have to look pretty for anyone to love them. In Allah, for the first time ever in my whole life, I felt that I don't care what my face or makeup looks like, and I also don't care what others look like. It is abusive toward women, disrespectful and an offense against the fact that women are God's daughters and created by God, that we expect them to just have to look good and we judge them by that. How can you look at a woman whose soul is God's soul and only care about what she looks like? How can you not realize that she has a soul from God? And how can you make her have to forget how precious and valuable she is in her soul? The Western world does everything wrong. Western women are not free, they are lost and forgotten. It is not easy, or maybe it is, to be a Western woman who finds Islam through Allah himself. Had I been born Muslim, peace of cake, just like that. Are there even hardly any people of European origin who convert to Islam? And I still struggle with the fears I have been taught. I was taught to fear that Islam would take everything away from me. My choices, my freedom, my happiness, my chances of fulfillment. But I never felt freedom, happiness, or fulfillment until Allah brought those to me? I never felt like I understood what I am until through Allah I felt that it was ok to have a husband, to honor a husband, and to have many children? Do all Muslims feel Allah? The West thinks that they were forced into Islam by other Muslims. But if they feel what I have felt then they have not been robbed of anything. I try to choose to ignore Allah. I try to continue living in a country such as Sweden, where I see nothing but unreligious people around me. People living in slumber, people whose lives are never touched by the realization that they are God's soul in human form. People who go about their jobs and earn money and watch tv and drink alcohol and hope that fulfillment comes from buying the latest computer and phone, and that enjoying life can only come from looking attractive, going to bars and having alcohol and meeting people for casual flings who then cheat on each other, disrespect one another, divorce and do not devote their lives for their children the way they could, and teach their children too that life is all about money. People living soulless lives. Without knowing love or God, and teaching one another that God is a delusion, a fairytale, a mental illness, a primitive book from the times before we had electricity or cars or computers. I want to be a nun. I don't think I will be able to choose a religion in which to be a nun, because I want to be a nun for God. I know that God is Allah of Islam. But I also know that Jesus Christ Lord Sananda and Kuthumi were here on Earth for us, even if Islam decided to focus solely on God. And I know that we have the Angels guarding over us and guiding us with so much love. And I have felt the Holy Spirit, one that never talks, but only gives me shivers and a presence. Can I be Christian and Muslim both? Would both religions fight over sole rights to me, or would they both reject me? Allah won't reject me, and neither will Jesus. And not long ago I was a scientist. A Western woman, Swedish in fact. To give away Jesus and Allah and Angels is like turning off the life support machine of yourself in the hospital and choosing death over life. To give them away is like having been invited into a banquet filled with delicious foods all free of cost and all made for you and you are hungry and ready to eat, and instead you turn off the lights and close the door and walk away so that you can look for worms to eat from the ground. It is like telling your father that you do not want his guidance or love or support and that you want to try living life on your own when you are a baby and before you can even walk or talk or feed or clothe yourself and that in addition you want to never have known that you were once offered a father. To give away Allah and Jesus is like taking off your warm wintercoat and laying yourself down naked on the snow to try and make it on your own. To choose away Allah is like ripping away your own soul, personality, warmth, and the life in you, so that you can spend a lifetime hoping that other humans will discover the worth and life in you if they think that you are attractive or something, instead of already having discovered yourself. There is nothing without Allah. And he wants us to have him in our life. Just because he made us, because he lives in us, and because he loves us. I can't justify his existence with science. I cannot reformulate the Newtonian laws of gravity that taught us how things move, to tell you why Allah exists. I want to be brave and convert to Islam. "You don't have to be brave to do it.", says Allah now, first he took my hands and put them over my eyes, maybe to stop me from writing for a while for him to say it. These were perhaps the first time he used words instead of speaking to me in feelings and in knowing. People think that becoming a Muslim is a lot of chores and sacrifices, but it is not. It is just gifts after gifts. A gift of life, happiness, health, purpose, everything. I don't know why there is a God, and a part of me struggles because I have studied physics and the sciences for many years. Why is there a God? Why? There isn't supposed to be anything that we cannot ... I was going to write, "that we cannot see or touch", but I have seen Allah, and he has touched me. Addition: I forgot to add that on the day when I spoke with Satan, one of the first things - if not the first - that he said was that he likes the smell of the smoke from burning humans. I don't know if he was being literal or symbolic about it. Read here about how one has to be washed before handling the Quran. It says that "A non-Muslim should not handle the sacred text, but may listen to tapes of the Qur'an or handle a translation or exegesis." I understand why Allah told me that I was unclean to touch the Quran. Return to Blogs